Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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