she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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