okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
