so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
