she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
