Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
