I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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