I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
