whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
