I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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