isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
