His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
