i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
