I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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