I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
