the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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