Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
