I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
