I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
