We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
