i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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