Don't make out with my wife yet
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
