Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
