wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
