exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
