we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
