Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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