It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
