Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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