so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
