Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
