I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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