Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
