My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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