The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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