its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
