I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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