Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
