I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
