The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
