she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're like the curious george of whores
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
