My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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