do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
