Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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