I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
