Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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