clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
