u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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