My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
