I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
