hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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